It’s a strange thing money. It has a mythical appeal and repel quality. The familial tales and myths around money are epic. Each generation, reinforces codices of action and behaviour around wealth. But here is the real truth. If you weren’t born with family money, you are unlikely to get any to a higher level than your parents.
Oh yes, I know, I have heard them all…It’s how hard you work, it’s how you flow, it’s destroying those limiting beliefs, thinking abundant thoughts yada yada, blah blah blah, all stories, all bull shit.
One of the greatest deceptions I can see upon the world is that of the “Class System”. The level of income you are achieving designates your class, poor white trailer trash, lower income, blue collar, middle class professional too Elite, it doesn’t matter, these are the deceptive classes used to hide the great deception, that of Caste. The world is run and controlled through vertical lines of what you do, not horizontal lines of what you make. If you learn this lesson and learn it well, you will go far and possibly grow rich.
Now I was sexually abused from an early age. The situations generated around this, the feelings of guilt, shame, the crimes I in turn perpetuated, all had one true and hidden goal. The goal of keeping me within the “criminal subset”. I could have been a great politician or athlete, but by the time I was 10 the situations I had been in and party too, already precluded a sidestep into the legal world. Upon the underworld I would rise, fail or go to jail. I haven’t been to jail, which shows you just what a good little criminal I became, and within those ranks I could of ridden very high indeed.
Every time I tried to step away out from under a “strange attractor” would force it’s way in and I would be knocked back into the world of the illegal, until there was nothing but illegal for me to do. I became well trained, through fear, trauma and my own indelible well of hell.
The training to remain within ones caste ranges from subtle to highly invasive. The subtle is to write on drugs, prostitution and money and have your “friends” walk away, using justifications of “it’s in the past” or “I can’t be associated with that”. That’s a whole new level of denying ones being and validity as a person, watch as the real me shrinks back into shape. To the real heavy hits, this is the overdose of drugs, in the back of a car winding up in a different town, working in a whore house, kind of stuff, or the “we got the dirt on you, we’ll nark you out” (particularly effective when one has four kids).
Your, keep you in the Caste line, may be different, your circumstances are individual and unique to you. But if you are trying to change your life, move into another career, gain more wealth and keep meeting what the “New Age” terms resistance, then I would counsel you to look at your lines. Your vertical caste lines of what you were born and raised to be, rather than the class lines of money. It is very possible to ride to the top of your field, easily, as soon as you recognise what that field is and what is stopping you from plowing it.
I became a very well paid call girl, making my way up the ranks from seedy massage parlor to "High Class", then **** salesperson (still illegal here) working my way from foils to pounds and now I have a wonderful coaching and tarot business, whereby I get to support others to rise and be whole.
I have successfully navigated the side step. It took for me to realise that the ceiling is not above us, it is the walls that surround us, that stop our expansion.
In peace, strength and love.
Own it like the boss you are.
THE STRENGTH TO MOVE FORWARD
When you have played in the ocean and lost a fin to the sharks, how do you move beyond the puddle you have retracted too in safety?
There have been several periods in my life, where I have flown, soared with the birds, worn silk and before it was "Totally" unfashionable, fur!
Gees I looked good. I'm not a natural beauty, but bear in mind my goals when I entered Solway College, at 12, were to be an opera singer, a ballet dancer or a first rate whore. And I had failed at the first two.
Into the Telecom and Training area I drifted. I learned word processing for that company, on the most bizarre two-day training course. From hardly seeing a computer, to typing and editing on one, complete with Fkeys in two days, umm ('87, think on p.c's back then...had you heard of one?)
Another training course I went on was incredibly different. It was the Academy of Elegance, 12 week 'finishing school' for ladies. I learned to shade my face (it's all about the triangles), walk. sit, get in and out of a limo elegantly...if certain young song stars had of taken that lesson it would've saved a lot of eyes from unsolicited beaver shots.
The highlight at the end of the course was "The Walk".
We had two walks to learn, involving make up and clothing changes, to be performed, at the end of the course, before Invitees and Academy Guests. As a special prize, the girl who had graduated highest, would receive the Golden Rose. A lapel pin of... a gold rose.
Gees I wanted that rose.
You see at this stage I was still thinking I was going to meet a wonderful rich man and we were going to waltz away under a sky of stars. He would lift me up marble steps where we sigh longingly before gasping to fulfilment, on silken sheets, under the canopy of the four poster. My natural shine would be allowed to come through and we would walk hand in hand, delivering love through the land.
And yes, I was on drugs most of the time.
Each week the lexicon of lessons was incorporated into life, practiced upon over the week and added to, like the most wonderful serial magazine. I missed one week over the time and it was "The Walks", we had already learned how to walk but this was the choreography for the End Show walk. Now I'm pretty bright and I do pick up things quite well, but these walks were tricky. step step half turn, step step pivot, kinda stuff and there were two of them, I did practice. Not being there for the initial lesson though, I was always slightly unsure on how the steps went and I did not have the confidence to ask the tutor, of whom I was in awe.
So finally, the night of graduation arrived. I did not have a guest, as everyone I knew thought it a pointless waste of time of a class. 9-5 was their life and the more I grew my butterfly wings, the more insignificant in their eyes I became. This course wasn't about looks for me though, it was about restoring confidence in a beauty that had been traded upon since childhood. A way of reawakening my hopes and dreams for the future. A more beautiful, self made future. How do we make the pictures if not through experience?
Which is precisely where I fell down. No, I did not fall, but I failed.
I looked so good, on that final night, I had shopped, plucked, waxed and shaved. Shaded, perfumed, buffed and teased, I sauntered through that room, up the middle catwalk steps I siddled (cause that's what you do, in heels, walking up steps, you place your feet slightly sideways, so the whole shoe is on the step and you glide upon slightly bent knee with back straight, shoulders relaxed and head, erect from, the crown) ;p I got to the top of the steps with the wrong foot forward, I pivoted instead of turning, was facing the wrong direction and flubbed it. If there were not 12 other girls who had all successfully turned the right way, it would not of mattered, but there were and it did.
There in the midst of Ambassadors, beauty queens and photographers, I Royally gaffed.
I didn’t get the Rose, but after 12 weeks with this crowd I had not expected to. The fundamental difference between them and me was well apparent by week three. To these gossamer wrapped and fledged, more gold than silver spoon fed monarchs, I was toxic. Perhaps tainted is a better word, they had a beautiful world and I wanted in. It was their duty to protect it, from riff raff like me.
Everything I learned, I had learned from grudging smiles, under raised noses, with little side serves of malice. Like the expensive foundation choice of wrong tone. Or the Winter when one is a Summer. I loved what I had learned wanted to put the lessons into practice, but something had ignited within, a desire hidden as money. The energy of money. When it is not actualy money you want but the things money can buy. I wanted that security, of never having to worry about the power bill, the rent, making a wrong foundation choice, good scents and textiles around me, colourful people and laughter.
Inside I left the whole experience feeling more unworthy than ever. 9-5 wasn’t working for me, drugs were and in the not too distant future I would end up in a massage parlour in Auckland.
So how does one move beyond the puddle of ones safety? I can see two choices. One can cry so many tears the puddle overflows and becomes a flood, or one can dig a canal from the puddle to the closest water source, even if it’s a sewer and one can float like poop “down to where the river meets the sea”.
I’m pondering my choice.
In peace, strength and love.
Well I am not where I wanted to be.
I can translate this from energetic to monetary terms, as a percentage. I am 6.5% out of alignment.
I become the age of a Mayan elder in 5 months, so I have a lot of work to do. I suspect it is my sense of community and peopling that is holding me back.
I am fearful.
I hurt others and am hurt,
I lack masks.
I'm coachable and willing to learn, but don't waste my time with bullshit that doesn't come from the heart or comes from a desire to justify a way of being, that does not do much but dislocate people from their spirit and the Spaceship we are care taking. Makes for a touch of tension ;)
I remember, think I have written on it before, about how I was punched in the face by the leader of a gang (we were ten) and unbeknownst to me, at that time, that was my initiation into the gang, who then went on to teach the awkward white stick, to move to any rhythm on the dance floor. Why? because I didn't nark. I ran into the bathroom crying, but I did not tell the adults or Police who were running the disco.
I got instant mates. So sweet ending to a weird episode. Yet it has coloured my perception of new groups of people ever since. There is always an initiation, an attempt to make one feel as if one belongs, sometimes coming in the guise of making one think they don't belong...can you hang in long enough? And there are always people who consider themselves leaders within the groups, like a self bestowed mana, of book learning, protocol or skin colour, but seldom because of heart and mind unity. Seldom are the leaders actually people choices. Like candidates in an election, you get to vote for the candidate presented, but you don't get to choose the candidate.
I didn't post as such yesterday, because I was at six hundred words and still hadn't suggested all of the thought streams I have around, tracing the blood. Not the genealogy of blood lines, but the where did the "Humans have always warred" come from? Why was that punch in the face considered a path to membership? How did violence become a systemic incorporated theme within our ways of being? And then I watched this...
And then I watched...I listened, I felt 600 words had already been said...and said by others, better. Ae tautoko
I love Dark Moon
Sitting in my P.J's wondering about energy.
Can anything really be infinite? For all the energy outside and within ourselves, be it the universe, the multiverse, the omniverse, there are if not edges or boundaries, then points where it all rolls back on itself. So not infinite but ceaseless, like a ring, that has no end and no beginning, yet rolls round and round and round.
And if that is so, then there is a finite amount of energy surrounding and within ourselves, though that finiteness is perhaps to large to comprehend. Just because something has no end doesn't mean its infinite. Like a river, you never stand in the same place twice, as all the water continually passes you by, Yet that water has been within or upon the earth for as many years as the earth has existed. Sure the form may of been different, but it has circulated, round and round...now in many places the water is Toxic...and there in lies my point.
What has happened to all the toxic energies, that we have created, released and wished away? Have we alchemically transmuted that energy, to something good? Did we drop the dross upon the shores of the earth, within the arms of source, expecting those forces to take care of our crap. Did we send the crap through the zero point, not realising we were expecting another dimension to do our job for us?
I suspect that we have in fact forgotten, that something always is. The energy may change form, but it always exists. And we are guilty of dropping our lumps of lead, to poison the waters, rather than changing that lead into gold.
How do we do that, change lead into gold? We learn. We take the experience that has allowed us the opportunity to feel like crap, we tease it out, search for how it happened and change an aspect of perspective, be it through boundaries or recognition, that will enable us next time to respond or act differently. There usually is a next time as polarization or extremes of emotion, act like magnetic lead, and once something has found a way to trigger you, the universe rather like a narcissistic boy friend, can not resist triggering you in a similar way again. And if we have truly transmuted, not just dropped the dross, then this time we catch the lead before it falls and we throw back gold.
Much love my friends
Whilst everyday is a great day to be alive, some days are more beautiful, crisper and more clear than others.
Today though, is not one of those days. Today is beautiful for other reasons. Today is a day of tears. I have cried tears of laughter as Tin Foil Hat described the Eagle Scouts, tears of sweetness as children showed how easy it was to make friends, tears of outrage as celebrities shared early lives of traumatic abuse, tears of grief for those whose lives have ended to soon and tears of love for an earth, whose luminescence, unveils and reveals it all. And it's only 7:25 am.
Beautiful bitter sweet memories, that make their way from our hearts and pour as tributaries down our cheeks, washing clean and clear our mascara. Because isn't that what emotion does, when properly expressed?
Expressing emotion removes the mask of civility and servitude of attitudes long past their prime and that, for many is a very scary thought indeed. Much of our language express's the need to "reign emotions in", "suffer in silence", show the "stiff upper lip", "don't let them know they've hurt you" and all these sayings contain within them the seeds of our control and lack of. You can only shove so much anger in a box, before it explodes, like Jack n a Box. When a society decides to staunch a flow of emotive words, because the truth of emotion is too raw, and proper response has been forgotten, when we denigrate the words spoken as the emotion behind them is no longer something we can handle, listen to or empathise with, then we are a society that has long past the point of being human. We have entered the Transhuman era.
Computers and AI don't have emotions Nor do Aliens or Angels, emotions are a purely "Earth Realm" thing. If emotions are expressed and heard as they arise, they are not huge cataclysmic things that sweep us away, they are beautiful, respectful moments of humanness. As such emotion should be honored. Instead we see agendas hell bent on stifling, suppressing and training away feeling. When a mob goes bad, the agenda of emotional suppression is fueled again. Angry cries of outrage at mob behavior, which never address the reason why the mob went mob in the first place. Another reason to silence voices, under the guise of inciting behavior. The cycle continues and grows.
For today, I am dedicating my time to feeling everything. Allowing all emotions to sweep through, around and swirl me where they will. I'm going to remember that this is what make our souls so very special, our light so desired.
In peace, strength and love.
How often have you heard “trust your gut”?
I swear if I hear another thing thing about “trusting that gut feeling” I just might tear the Spiritual House down.
This may be true in someones world, but in mine, my gut got pretty screwed up. You see the intuition from my gut, that was supposed to keep me safe, was constantly over ridden. The very people who were supposed to love me were the ones who were hurting me. So my gut got broken! Did yours?
Hello! Two fold problem. Not only was my “gut’ being constantly over ridden but so was my trust. After all it was necessary in my mind to split the people I knew into the good part and the bad part…the good part for the neighbors and family to protect “our secret” and my survival, and the bad part (end this paragraph here as this topic is worthy of its own article).
There’s a spiritual explanation on this whole gut intuition thing. You may of heard of the chakra. Well the one in the gut just below your tummy button, that is the sacral chakra, an important part of the spiritual energy system as it houses the flow of information around relationships and those emotional connections of sensuality and intimacy. Here’s the thing though, it houses the emotional “memory” of relationships and situations too. So if you walk into a situation and your “gut” tightens, possibly it is your sacral, responding to stored or historical information. And you might start to see the problem here for your/my abused self. A lot of our historical information comes from a pretty skewed point of view.
So your walking down the street and you see this person and your gut goes bang, tight, and you think oh no, avoid, avoid, avoid, but,
The answer lies within our hearts, or heart center chakra. Generally recognized as being between the breasts, this energy center holds and moves through, love energy, of the deep, sacred, unconditional kind. The heart has a spiritual intuition all of it’s own. This intuition and energy is easily accessed, simply place your left hand over the heart or chakra area, place your attention there also, and envision this area expanding. Notice what you notice, perhaps a flood of warmth, or love entering your torso, maybe a feeling of lightness. For now just notice the sensation.
Right, ever practical, here’s a little exercise I would like you to do . Think of a person or situation that has recently made your tummy tighten. Got it. Good…now place your left hand over the heart chakra, experience this energy, and then, think of the situation again. Now notice what you notice, does your tummy relax? Does it stay tight? Does your heart sensation increase, decrease? If your tummy relaxes and your heart remains expansive, then chances are your “gut” intuition response was stimulated by a “historical” resonance or remembering, and this would of been a safe experience to visit; if however your “gut” remains tight and your heart sensation, stays the same or decreases…then you KNOW, your “gut” response was indeed correct. These are the intuition responses you should trust.
Try this little exercise over a few different scenarios within your memory banks. Notice the different responses between the sacral and heart intuition centers. When you become familiar with the different sensations, take the exercise and test it out on people and situations you cross whilst out and about. A necklace or adjusting the bra strap are great ways of disguising the hand over the chakra.
Yes trusting self and feelings is a huge issue, especially when these have been manipulated to serve the purpose of others. Developing little tools that work for you, like this heart/gut intuition test, is a great way of taking back personal power. You are not broken! And if this little tool, doesn’t help you work out a tricky from a safe situation, well don’t you worry, I have a lot more. Work with me .
There seems to be this reluctance to admit that people do have a hard time and suffer occasionally.
When Abraham Hicks talks about getting into the "flow" they always say..."You can't go from zero to 50 in a second".
People elevate themselves through moving through emotions.
Each emotion requires acknowledgment of where the person is now.
When a person comes into your practice or online, saying... "yes but we are not going back there", is not particularly helpful, before the person has had a chance to fully express the intricacies around a situation. Just because you as a coach can see the way out and through, does not mean a client can.
The tendency to rush people into feeling good and indeed, not allowing them to feel bad in your presence, is not helpful to long-term wellness.
When people come to a practitioner often it is because they are already feeling broken, depressed and stuck, maybe even powerless. These are the very symptoms of suppression. Often they are outwardly o.k. and appear in control. Why, because of emotional suppression.
How much more empowered might a person feel if they were listened to, and actually allowed to talk, not only about their 'negative' feelings , but the incidences that had been squelched during a life that is spent in dissonance with the reality of an insane world, where being "strong" is not only a norm, but a must. Where the Warrior is the only acceptable form of living.
The true strong and warrior, are states of being that are arrived at once the deeper emotions of living have been explored, and the energy transmuted so that a person deeply understands why the emotions and responses around a situation occurred, and how these responses have helped them to be the beautiful soul they are now.
Regardless of how we, the practitioner's feel about a person's life choices and journey, please have the good grace to listen to the story, in a way that your client feels truly heard.
Holding our clients with empathy and compassion, listening and validating their life stories, offering our heart space. This is the way I feel we should be honoring our clients. In this way we empower them to realize the value of their lives.
Simply My Thoughts