When things happen, happen and happen some more.
Getting into the Grimoire world has been very, interesting and affirming. Many of the practices I'm reading about are those that I have been doing, without knowing their origins. I hadn't read of them, I hadn't heard of them, but I had intuited these practices and was performing my own versions, handed to me from source. You know I'm sovereign right? As such, thoughts of past lives, etheric programming and confusion have been very present within my heart.
Thoughts and heart, the greatest divide and separation, the hardest to cross when dealing in the modern worlds of present, especially when a sense of integration pervades personal surroundings and an, I don't know, an expectation maybe, that everyone else is in this space too, gets hit with the realization that NO everyone isn't, therefore in order to commune with any, other than source, earth and the natural beings, I have to leave my happy dimension and enter "the realm of man". Who hasn't been there, right?
The Hermit has the right idea. He leaves the world of man, climbs his mountain, learns his lesson. Yet whenever he is pictured, it is with light held on high, descending that mountain of knowledge, to pour the font of wisdom upon the world. And perhaps that is why he carries a rather large stick. Not only for keeping the demons at bay, casting circles and supporting the weight of the walk, but to beat those that won't listen, knocking aside those stubbornly blocking the path, all the while feeling the solid implacability of Old Iron Wood, knowledge hard earned and true, that no man shall put asunder.
Hence my confusion and dissonance, in climbing down the Mountain, I have had to knock aside and go around beings, I love. Going against my inner beliefs that all are worthy (hence the dissonance). A place I can only reconcile with, its not a lack of compassion or love, it is just, for now, the paths have parted as each being steps forth into their own form of service. Perhaps once a Hermit, always a Hermit? Now here's the real ego kicker. I look again at the Hermit card, is he really descending down the Mountain? Perhaps he is still climbing, pausing now to contemplate the carnage left behind.
I wish you much peace, strength. love and growth.
As I have said, I lived a very different life to many...
When I was four, I went to see a friend of mine who lived on the Cul de Sac. I knew she wasn't ill in the normal way and when her parents denied me access to her, closing the door on me, I literally booted their door down to get in, shoved past the shocked oldies to find her, in bed, not ill, but very very sad. A sadness we both understood.
At five I entered school, there had been no preschool for me, and I found the routine extremely hard. I remember wetting myself as the teacher said i wasn't allowed to go too the toilets except in the breaks, though she didn't explain that rule until after I had asked to go, I threw a desk, and walked home in my wet knickers. Rules were changed after that, as how can one expect a new entrant to exercise such control?
Half way through this year, I was diagnosed with a learning disorder, requiring special classes for reading, I learned very quickly as for some reason I only need to see the top half of the letters, and once shown the techniques, was away. Code breaking is a skill of mine. Though the special lessons continued.
At six my parents were called to the school to watch me swim, the teacher had never seen a child swim under water for so long, let alone swim like a fish after one lesson. I went on to hold the 10 year old girls 100meter swimming record for New Zealand 1.06, I think it was, though I was pulled from swimming not long after, as I was gaining attention.
At seven, upon a sponsored walk up a local mountain, I started off with a family, who were too slow, I was up the top, stamped and met them on the way back, where they were not even a quarter of the way. Just as well I had my stamp, they accused me of cheating.
And that's the way it was. I could locate a place to be, where I was, and move between the two points, very quickly. And every time I achieved something, there was someone to slap me down, take the joy away, or treat the achievement as nothing.
I over came my programming, you can too. I have skills and tools waiting, to support you. Please, take my hand.
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Like I said, I've lived a very different life to many...
I was born in Keneperu Hospital in Porrirua, New Zealand. A very different kind of hospital, dealing mainly in Mental Health and to the New Zealand Government, or as it was then, Post Office, crowd.
My best friend in those early years, for example, father went on to be a prime leader in the Fijian coup. Yeah I remember...
Any how, my father was a Telecommunications Engineer...he designed and built Satellite Receiver/Transmitters. It wasn't just "mechanics" these guys were playing with.
My real programming aside from the usual trauma started when we moved out of the "State Housing" and into another form, a subdivision, with a lot of children, over 30 in our little CulDeSac, all up and coming professional people (pilots, physicists etc).
I will never forget the terror that visited me in that house...so much so I would visit the stars...but that is what the terror was for. To get me to split into pieces, to fragment, so I could be programmed on different levels...Yes I remember the sacred geometry movies, and bits of the programs instilled, though not much, during office "parties" when some children would walk through one door, and others through another.
I remember, when I was around 6, an older lady with an accent, whose house I randomly chose to visit, often, giving me a book...It was a Special Edition Readers Digest full print with color plates, leather, maybe fake, embossed, with gilt edging, some of you have probably guessed, it was a copy of Alice In Wonderland. To this day I have an aversion to both this story, and the Wizard of Oz, possibly part of the programming to avoid accidental triggering.
So you see, it wasn't just mechanical bits of metal, these people were working on, it was minds. I became a Satellite Receiver/Transmitter, skills I still have, so if I'm talking on AI, codes and programming etc, I'm still tapped in tuned in and turned on, and I can distinguish between a psyop and the real deal, so listening may be beneficial. So I avoid certain groups, as AI still follows me everywhere, but I have also learnt to circumnavigate a lot, including deprogramming trauma and suicide programs, integration of soul fragmentation a lot of the Monarch (well that which suits lol). When I say, I have a joy filled life, and I can support you to have one also. I'm very, very serious.
How often have you heard “trust your gut”?
I swear if I hear another thing thing about “trusting that gut feeling” I just might tear the Spiritual House down.
This may be true in someones world, but in mine, my gut got pretty screwed up. You see the intuition from my gut, that was supposed to keep me safe, was constantly over ridden. The very people who were supposed to love me were the ones who were hurting me. So my gut got broken! Did yours?
Hello! Two fold problem. Not only was my “gut’ being constantly over ridden but so was my trust. After all it was necessary in my mind to split the people I knew into the good part and the bad part…the good part for the neighbors and family to protect “our secret” and my survival, and the bad part (end this paragraph here as this topic is worthy of its own article).
There’s a spiritual explanation on this whole gut intuition thing. You may of heard of the chakra. Well the one in the gut just below your tummy button, that is the sacral chakra, an important part of the spiritual energy system as it houses the flow of information around relationships and those emotional connections of sensuality and intimacy. Here’s the thing though, it houses the emotional “memory” of relationships and situations too. So if you walk into a situation and your “gut” tightens, possibly it is your sacral, responding to stored or historical information. And you might start to see the problem here for your/my abused self. A lot of our historical information comes from a pretty skewed point of view.
So your walking down the street and you see this person and your gut goes bang, tight, and you think oh no, avoid, avoid, avoid, but,
The answer lies within our hearts, or heart center chakra. Generally recognized as being between the breasts, this energy center holds and moves through, love energy, of the deep, sacred, unconditional kind. The heart has a spiritual intuition all of it’s own. This intuition and energy is easily accessed, simply place your left hand over the heart or chakra area, place your attention there also, and envision this area expanding. Notice what you notice, perhaps a flood of warmth, or love entering your torso, maybe a feeling of lightness. For now just notice the sensation.
Right, ever practical, here’s a little exercise I would like you to do . Think of a person or situation that has recently made your tummy tighten. Got it. Good…now place your left hand over the heart chakra, experience this energy, and then, think of the situation again. Now notice what you notice, does your tummy relax? Does it stay tight? Does your heart sensation increase, decrease? If your tummy relaxes and your heart remains expansive, then chances are your “gut” intuition response was stimulated by a “historical” resonance or remembering, and this would of been a safe experience to visit; if however your “gut” remains tight and your heart sensation, stays the same or decreases…then you KNOW, your “gut” response was indeed correct. These are the intuition responses you should trust.
Try this little exercise over a few different scenarios within your memory banks. Notice the different responses between the sacral and heart intuition centers. When you become familiar with the different sensations, take the exercise and test it out on people and situations you cross whilst out and about. A necklace or adjusting the bra strap are great ways of disguising the hand over the chakra.
Yes trusting self and feelings is a huge issue, especially when these have been manipulated to serve the purpose of others. Developing little tools that work for you, like this heart/gut intuition test, is a great way of taking back personal power. You are not broken! And if this little tool, doesn’t help you work out a tricky from a safe situation, well don’t you worry, I have a lot more. Work with me .